Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like you had no one that believed in you? I know I have. It sometimes can be the worst feeling to believe that there is no one that is behind you and routing for you. In the past, I would get these feelings quite often. I would feel worthless and different and honestly, alone.
Support is the biggest part of any recovery system and is necessary to live a happy, healthy, lifestyle. I know who my support system is now. In the past, I convinced myself that I did not have that system of people I could rely on. I told myself that I wasn't important or good enough for them. Boy was I wrong. My family and friends tried to offer support and love, and I pushed it away. I was so hard headed that I did not want to accept it. I couldn't admit that I needed help. I truly believe I didn't know that I needed help.
Help is a funny thing. It is hard to distinguish when we need help and when we don't. I am still working on seeing where those lines fit, but I am learning to ask for more help each and every day. I have a hard time trusting others and leaning on them for support is one of the hardest things for me to do. I have so many negative past experiences with people not pulling through when they were needed that my views about support systems may have been skewed.
My wonderful fiancé and my mom are my number one supporters in everything I do. Sometimes I doubt them and feel that they do not support me as much as I need, but deep down I know they care. There are a vast number of people I could reach out to to be my support system, but the hardest part of having a support system is choosing the people.
I have members in FA, overweight friends from my childhood, "normal weight" friends from childhood, eating buddies and others who all support me in my weight loss. Sometimes I talk to them and other times it is just a small connection on a social media site.
It is hard sometimes to be an inspiration to others. I feel like people look up to me and I have to uphold a certain composure. Sometimes finding support is hard, but the truth is, when you support others, they will support you in return. “Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone's soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.” ― Rumi
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